Official Preview of Dick Cheney's Upcoming Video Game!

(AP - Washington)

Poor Dick Cheney. He's not exactly the most popular political figure these days. But underneath that gruff, grim, vile exterior is actually a wounded puppy dog of a man who just wants to be loved, who wants to honorably serve his country and humbly make an honest living. A proud man who's had just about enough of the attacks and criticism. It's time for him to get some revenge with a bit of the old ultraviolence, Cheney style.

Indeed the year''s most eagerly awaited video game, "Dick Cheney's Terrorist Roundup" is coming this fall and OldMajorInc.blogspot has an exclusive preview. We spoke with some of the designers and were given an inside look at the game that promises to dominate the competition upon its release for XBOX 360, PS3, and PC this October. Rumors have been flying that it will be most the sophisticated game ever created graphically as well as in terms of level design, but the real question has been the violence level promised by the designers. Will this really be the most violent video game ever created? Well folks, just look at the name on the cover.

The biggest coup for the designers has been Cheney's direct involvement with the creation and marketing of the game. Not only will he lend his likeness to the cover art, but he reportedly worked with a team of animators for nearly three works in order to accurately capture his every physical movement for use in the game. The main character is none other than Cheney himself, whom the player will get to control, and his appearance and his every action will be portrayed as realistically as possible.

The game itself is expected to be a mix of the nihilistic brutality of Grand Theft Auto with the tactical strategy elements of Halo in a series of realistic, intricately designed levels spanning the world from Guantanamo to Baghdad to Washington DC. It's quite a promise and with Cheney's involvement, the media attention this game will receive is sure to be exhaustive. But does it live up to the hype?

In a word - no. We here at OldMajorInc.blogspot received a test demo version of the Washington DC level and our initial reaction was utter astonishment: the graphics are breathtaking and the level of detail in the scenery and the animation is groundbreaking in video game design. For example, even making player/Cheney perform a simple action such as smashing a White House page's face repeatedly with a tire iron yields an amazing level of realistic detail - the flying blood and horrible screaming are particularly effective for those with high end audio and visual capabilities. Yes, it is violent, extremely violent, and the weapons and armor available to player/Cheney are so exhaustive that the game will reportedly require a five-hundred page manual in order to list all the destructive options.

But this is also the main problem - ALL of the weapons are available to player/Cheney, so much so that gameplay actually suffers. For example, the basic mission of the Washington DC level is actually quite simple - find and destroy the US Constitution. There are a variety of possible methods for achieving this goal, and the designers have included an impressive array of clandestine tools at player/Cheney's disposal including grappling hooks, security decoding devices, and black hooded ninja-like camoflauge apparel. Yet with player/Cheney at the command of the entire US Armed Forces, it's just as easy to simply send a few tanks in to destroy the entire building. Although there is some initial charm to the sight of player/Cheney at the controls of an armored tank destroying Washington DC, there is simply no real challenge to keep the game engaging.

The side missions in the Washington DC level are similarly disappointing. For example, bonus points are collected by destroying suburbs and housing projects in the greater DC area, but all that is required to accomplish this is simply the ordering of repeated air strikes. Once the Constitution and most of the city is destroyed, player/Cheney has the option of personally rummaging through the wreckage to rack up a few more kills for bonus points, but that's mostly a tedious exercise that feels uninspired and tacked on.

It's possible that the Guantanamo and Baghdad levels will offer more of a challenge, but so far "Dick Cheney's Terrorist Roundup" offers little more than gratuitous violence without any real defining purpose. Odd, isn't it?


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http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip


New album "Working For The Masons" coming soon