Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Special announcement for OldMajorInc.Blogspot premium members

It has come to our attention that some premium members have been experiencing some over charging issues on their most recent billing statements. Apparently, there have been reports of some premium members being charged double or even triple the normal monthly fee of $79.95 for premium access to our website.

We here at OldMajorInc.Blogspot would first like to state that our top priority is you, the consumer. We hope to rectify any billing problem as soon as possible. Rest assured, these billing issues are in no way related to OldMajorInc.Blogspot CEO Old Major's plans to purchase a new car; and rest assured, these billing issues have nothing to do with our staff's desire to upgrade the graphic cards in the office computers so that they can play Fallout 3. Just a simple honest mistake.

In order to help serve our valued customers and rectify these problems, we have set up a Customer Service Hotline. Premium members who feel they have been overcharged may dial 1 - 900 - 889 - 4537 (the charge is $1.95 for the first minute, $4.95 for each additional minute). If you aren't connected with a customer service operator right away, just hold on - we will get to you as soon as possible. Our headquarters has been quite busy lately as we have just upgraded the graphic cards on the office computers so that the staff can play Fallout 3.

We have also taken the liberty of piping in The Kinks's 1977 album "Sleepwalker" for the customers waiting on hold so feel free to enjoy that album while you're waiting.




And don't forget.....




Better your life with Old Major's "Outlaws EP"

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=J0AEPFDQ

http://rapidshare.com/files/251690645/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip

But don't take our word for it, here's a comment from Senator Sam Brownback (R - Kan):

Listen to it clear, put the box right near your ear
Light your blunts and down your beers
Cause you could never fuck with Old Major "Outlaws EP"...

Monday, August 10, 2009

Oldmajorinc.blogspot presents Ghostface - Showing These Crabs How To Rhyme part 1 (1993-2000)


1. Intro (1:01)
2. Daytona 500 (no Cappa) (2:50)
3. Criminalogy (2:42)
4. 93 Freestyle (0:50)
5. Box In Hand (promo mix) (3:16)
6. Wise Words From Ghost part 1 (0:53)
7. Mighty Healthy (2:46)
8. After The Smoke Is Clear (1:39)
9. Apollo Kids (3:43)
10. Wise Words From Ghost part 2 (1:36)
11. Careful (Click Click) (no Cappa verse) (4:10)
12. Right Back At You (1:20)
13. 260 (2:29)
14. Real Live Shit (2:29)
15. Holocaust verse (1:26)
16. 4th Chamber (3:42)
17. Stand Up (2:16)
18. Fish (2:24)
19. Wise Words From Ghost part 3 (1:45)
20. Hellz Wind Staff (4:29)
21. Shadowboxin Freestyle (1:51)
22. Wise Words From Ghost part 4 (2:13)


mixed by the staff at oldmajorinc.blogspot.com


95% Cappadonna free!


http://rapidshare.com/files/266055888/Ghostface_-_Showing_These_Crabs_How_To_Rhyme_part_1__1993-2000_.rar

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6YFP19EM

SPECIAL BONUS MIXTAPE Golden Arms Revenge - The Best of U-God (1994-2009)




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ENJOY!

Monday, July 20, 2009

OldMajorInc.blogspot's Conspiracy Corner presents: The Assassination Of John F Kennedy













It was a dark day for America, a turning point that would leave an indelible stain upon her once noble figure. It was a moment of lost innocence - a deflowering if you will - from which she may never fully recover. Once she had been a land of dreams, of opportunities, a place where all could come together as one regardless of race, creed, or tax bracket. But all of that changed on March 18, 1961, a date that will forever live in infamy - the assassination of John F Kennedy.


The public was told that Kennedy was murdered by a lone assassin from a window high above the presidential motorcade. But this "official version" was pure fiction, a carefully constructed cover story designed to hide the identities of those who were truly responsible. We should be grateful then for the scores of brave conspiracy theorists who have been willing to devote their lives to studying every minute detail in the case, even if it meant neglecting their wives and children in the process. This exclusive feature story here on OldMajorInc.blogspot is a tribute to these valiant info warriors. Keep going everybody - the truth is out there and it's most likely to be found on someone's website or youtube video. Many have tried to fully explain the awful events on that fateful morning in the winter of 1962, but the following explanation is unique in the world of conspiracy theories.

This is the truth.



BACKGROUND



In October 1959, as the last of the troops were returning home from the final battles of World War II, President Richard Nixon turned his attention to his re-election campaign the following year. Not that he had much reason to worry - Nixon has always been one of the most popular, well-respected presidents in American history, and his re-election for a third term was viewed at the time as little more than a formality. But in one of the most surprising turn of events in the history of presidential politics, Nixon announced in March 1960 that he would not run for re-election. Citing his decision to devote himself full-time to his humanitarian work with the Red Cross, Nixon humbly bowed out of the race in his inimitably classy style. His teary resignation speech before a national audience has since entered the canon of the greatest orations in the history of the spoken word, concluding with this rousing note of classic Nixonian elegance:

"Politics is not about winning or losing. It's about respect. It's about honesty. It's about empathy. I just hope I was able to serve my country with the honor it so richly deserves."

Richard Nixon was never heard from again.

With an newly open field, a number of candidates quickly entered the race in the hopes of capitalizing on this unprecedented opportunity, including familiar names like Barry Goldwater, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Gary Coleman. But it was a young Senator from Massachusetts who would emerge as the front runner, capturing the attention and imagination of the electorate.

John Franklin Kennedy was born to a poor family from the slums of Boston, from which he tenaciously worked his way up through the political ranks without even a modicum of financial support. His unpolished, 'salt of the earth' persona would soon strike a nerve with the blue collar component of his Republican party, deftly making up for his lack of education and relatively poor rhetorical skill with a relentless work ethic and a strong devotion to his wife and family. Though he may not have quite lived up to the impeccable standards of his predecessor, he nonetheless evinced a basic competence with the geopolitical world.

But all of that changed on December 4, 1963, a date that will forever live in infamy in American history. As his presidential motorcade drove through Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas, multiple shots were fired from several different directions, fatally wounding the president. The public was shocked, horrified, and utterly confused, but it was the curious events that would soon follow the moment that would prove to be infinitely more important.

Within hours of the shooting, CNN was reporting that the culprit had been apprehended. But for many, the name of the alleged 'assassin' would be more shocking than the assassination itself. Lee Harvey Oswald was the owner of a book depository in Dealey Plaza just across from the site of the shooting. By most accounts, he was a bright, well-respected family man who was known as a pillar of his community; when he wasn't working with his local church group or volunteering at a local soup kitchen, he could be found coaching his son's little league team. He was, to say the least, a rather unlikely suspect. But he would never get the chance to defend himself in a court of law. The next afternoon, as he was being transferred from the Dallas police station to the local jail, he was shot and killed by a lone assassin named Sirhan Sirhan.

In lieu of a public trial, a committee was quickly formed to "investigate" the assassination. The Warren Commission, named after Supreme Court chief justice Warren Moon, included the likes of Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Shirley Chisolm. Within weeks, their published report "proved" "conclusively" that "there" was no "evidence" of "a" conspiracy. But as we shall soon see, their report was little more than a fabrication, an extension of a massive cover-up.



SORTING THROUGH THE EVIDENCE




The first step in any investigation requires a basic understanding of the concept of numerology. Numerology is the study of the relationship between words and numbers. For example, we have the letters JFK, which when reversed gives us the letters KFJ. K is the eleventh letter of the alphabet, F is the sixth, and J is the tenth. This gives us the following equation: 11 + 6 + 10. If we remember that Jesus died at age thirty-three, our equation becomes (11 + 6 + 10) * 33. Now here's where it gets really interesting: add in the numbers 7, 23, and 1962 for the date of the assassination, then perform the necessary calculations to translate those numbers back into letters using numerology. The result is the letters W, L, V, H, P, O. Remove W, V, and P and rearrange the remaining letters. The result is N, L, H, O or "Not Lee Harvey Oswald." But the Warren Commission conveniently left this important detail out of their official "investigation." What other important information was kept from the public?

We can also find another clue of the nature of a sinister conspiracy by analyzing the dark symbolism hidden on our own currency. This is actually something you can try at home: take a fifty dollar bill and rip it in half. Discard the left half and fold the right half lengthwise, then fold again. Now pull the bottom lefthand corner up slightly and turn the folded bill approximately 45 degrees counter-clockwise, then unfold and repeat the process two more times. Now turn the bill over and you should be able to find two straight lines. This gives us the number 11. Repeat the process with eight more fifty dollar bills and lay the folded bills out before you. What do we get? Nine elevens. 9/11. So clearly the conspirators behind these two tragic events are connected.

Perhaps the most important piece of evidence is the 8mm film shot by Abraham Zapruder just across the site of the shooting. Zapruder was already a well known figure in the assassination film community by this time - his previous work included critically acclaimed films of botched assassination attempts at public figures like Major Gerald Walker and the militant black nationalist Sammy Davis Jr. But the Kennedy film would be his masterpiece, rocketing him instantly to worldwide fame.

The film has since been subject to an unprecedented level of scrutiny by hundreds of photographic experts in the guise of "official investigation." Not surprisingly, their conclusions mirrored the fictional 'official version' of the events. Some conspiracy theorists have alleged that the film was altered in order support the fictitious official theory, but this is not entirely correct. Based upon recent evidence the staff at oldmajorinc.blogspot discovered from a youtube video, the film did not even have to be tampered with, as it was actually shot on a large sound stage. A number of Hollywood actors were employed for this operation, (Fun fact: the sound stage where the conspirators shot the assassination film would later be used for the alleged Apollo-11 "moon landing" hoax several years later.)


NEW DEVELOPMENTS


In 1991, a new chapter in the JFK conspiracy saga was born. Actor Kevin Costner, a strident critic of the official theory, announced his plans to bring the case before a jury in New Orleans. He alleged that Oswald was in fact just a patsy, an innocent victim in much larger conspiracy that included actors Tommy Lee Jones and Joe Pesci. The trial itself would come to dramatic climax with a shouting match between Costner and actor Jack Nicholson, resulting in Nicholson's bitter exhortation, "You can't handle the truth!" Although the trial was invaluable step in informing the public, the elite conspirators would exact a measure of revenge on Costner by forcing him to take part in films like "Waterworld," thereby ruining his career.


A LIKELY SCENARIO


Clearly, the orders for Kennedy's assassination came from the Bavarian Illuminati, a secret society that has controlled world affairs with a satanic mandate for hundreds of years. Representatives from the Illuminati most likely contacted members of Bilderberg Group, the Council on Foreign Relations, the M-12 committee, and Greenpeace (accidentally). The orders were sent to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who then disseminated the plans to the higher echelons of the CIA and the FBI. The Russian KGB was contacted as well, if only because it was deemed the polite thing to do. Next, the five families of the New York La Cosa Nostra were contacted in order to work out the specifics of the plan. We also now know, courtesy of Costner's brave investigative work, that Tommy Lee Jones and Joe Pesci were probably contacted around this time as well. Details of the plan were then sent to Fidel Castro, who provided the mercenary marksmen teams. Dallas police and fire departments were then contacted in order to manage the key early moments of the cover up. Finally, Arnie's Deli in downtown Dallas was contacted in order to provide lunch for the whole operation. All that was left was to do was keep the whole thing a secret.


TAKING ACTION


As Costner so eloquently stated during his summation at the trial of Tommy Lee Jones, the case had passed "through the looking glass," into an area where "black is white, white is black." This means that when studying the conspiracy, the more outlandish and improbable the theory, the more likely that it is true.

Now you can get involved in the fight to finally bring the conspirators to justice. For three easy payments of $89.95, you will be able to contribute to the OldMajorInc.blogspot JFK Assassination Research Fund. This money will go toward providing the OldMajorInc.blogspot staff with better facilities so that they can more comfortably pursue their investigations as well as better computers so that they will be able to play Grand Theft Auto IV during the rare moments that they will break from their studies, thereby improving the morale of the entire staff. Remember: the truth is out there and all it takes is a credit card and a PayPal account to find it.

God bless America.


Elvis Costello's Thought Of The Day


What do we care if the world is a joke?
We'll give it a big kiss, we'll give it a poke
Death wears a big hat cause he's a big bloke
We're only living this instant...

- "Tokyo Storm Warning"


Monday, July 6, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

OldMajorInc.blogspot Historical Spotlight: The Amazing Prophecies of Nostradamus



For centuries, scholars have studied the evocative work of 16th century poet and prophet Michel de Nostradamus. Aside from the ethereal beauty of the prose itself, his enduring work is most notable for its uncanny connections to world affairs throughout history. Even today, scholars are finding new prophetic reverberations buried within his masterwork, “Les Phropheties” (or “Les Propheties” in French).

The staff at OldMajorInc.blogspot has recently been studying some of the lesser known and heretofore uninterpreted prophecies in an effort to gleen new meanings. The resulting analysis will be released this fall in a hardcover coffee table book (available at the online store here at OldMajorInc.blogspot for three easy payments $79.95). Here are few examples of our work thus far.


Quatrain 132

And so far and wide will a sign of ocean blue
Spread her wings majestic
Moving through pillars with eyes
All wearing the mark – everything marked down

This has traditionally been one of the more opaque of the early prophecies and various theories of its actual meaning have included connections to everything from the rise of Christianity to the Gulf of Tonkin incident. However, like much of Nostradamus's work, its significance has not been fully appreciated until quite recently. The research team here at OldMajorInc.blogspot has determined that this quatrain actually refers to Wal-Mart and its rise to global prominence. Whether Nostradamus admired Wal-Mart for its savings or its many convenient locations is currently unknown.


Quatrain 206:

The guardian of the first follows a cold fire
Past the darkness of the lighted last call
Into the warmth of a shining snow
Blackened, now gold and again – forever

This one's actually pretty obvious. Nostradamus is clearly referring to former St. Louis Cardinals/ New York Mets first basemen Keith Hernandez's cocaine addiction in the early eighties. Hernandez was the most prominent name in a public scandal that erupted in 1982, implicating a number of players in a cocaine ring. This interpretation is bolstered by the fact that there are many references to the New York Mets throughout Nostradamus's work, most notably the line from quatrain 190, “Though the mooked one must stay seated,” which refers to the benching of centerfielder Mookie Wilson in 1989. This has led some scholars to propose that Nostradamus was actually a Mets fan of sorts. Additionally, the last line in this quatrain refers to Hernandez's tarnished reputation and the fallout of his messy divorce.

Son of foul blood built on black gold
Steals the throne of Babylon
Knowing not his ass from elbow
The 43rd president of the United States with the middle initial “W”

This has always been one of the most puzzling quatrains in the Nostradamus oeuvre. Quite frankly, even the staff at OldMajorInc.blogspot has not been able to discern its meaning. Any reader's suggestions should be mailed to oldmajorinc.@gmail.com. If we use your analysis, you will be entitled to a $10.00 discount on the price of the book.*

* Discount only vaild for one of the three payments, i.e. : you could pay $69.95 for the installment then $79.95 and another $79.95, or you could pay $79.95, THEN $69.95 and $79.95, and so on.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Upcoming Projects

It's a busy time here at OldMajorInc.blogspot as we preparing our release calendar to maximize profitability the remainder of the fiscal year.

OLD MAJOR

  • ...And There Shall Be Beats : Revelations 19:96 - 20:05 (compilation - Summer 2009)
The staff at OldMajorInc.blogspot is currently working through our audio archives in preparation for the release of this instrumental album of Old Major's unreleased beats. The earliest material dates back to 1996 from cassette tapes recorded on a four-track machine to more recent digital recordings from sessions at the now defunct 37 Chambers Studio in Toms River, New Jersey. All of the material has been remastered and remixed for this project. Old Major's production style is influenced by artists like RZA, DJ Shadow, Pete Rock, 4th Disciple, Tru Master, DJ Premier, The Orb, Stoupe, El-P, The Bomb Squad, Necro, and so on. All proceeds from this project will benefit Old Major's purchase of a new car.

  • Working For The Masons (late 2009)
The long awaited full LP follow-up to the critically acclaimed "Outlaws EP." What will it sound like? Imagine Coldplay crossed with Soulja Boy crossed with Brooks & Dunn crossed with the soundtrack from "Rent." This album will be the EXACT OPPOSITE of that.

OldMajorInc.blogspot

  • OldMajorInc.blogspot presents Will The Real Genesis Please Stand Up? (June 2009)
The streets are already talking about this upcoming compilation of Genesis's work from 1969 to 1974 with Phil Collins tucked mutely behind the drum kit where he belongs. Mixed by the staff at OldMajorInc.blogspot.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Old Major - Outlaws EP new link added





1. Conspiracy Theory (2:15)
2. Cops & Robbers (3:08)
3. Lucky Stars (6:58)
4. Cave Dwellers (3:52)
5. Birds (7:55)
6. Uptight (7:25)



The critically acclaimed masterpiece now available in two convenient locations.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=GDJNYQ6E

http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip

50 million neo-conservative war profiteers can't be wrong!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Official Preview of Dick Cheney's Upcoming Video Game!


(AP - Washington)

Poor Dick Cheney. He's not exactly the most popular political figure these days. But underneath that gruff, grim, vile exterior is actually a wounded puppy dog of a man who just wants to be loved, who wants to honorably serve his country and humbly make an honest living. A proud man who's had just about enough of the attacks and criticism. It's time for him to get some revenge with a bit of the old ultraviolence, Cheney style.

Indeed the year''s most eagerly awaited video game, "Dick Cheney's Terrorist Roundup" is coming this fall and OldMajorInc.blogspot has an exclusive preview. We spoke with some of the designers and were given an inside look at the game that promises to dominate the competition upon its release for XBOX 360, PS3, and PC this October. Rumors have been flying that it will be most the sophisticated game ever created graphically as well as in terms of level design, but the real question has been the violence level promised by the designers. Will this really be the most violent video game ever created? Well folks, just look at the name on the cover.

The biggest coup for the designers has been Cheney's direct involvement with the creation and marketing of the game. Not only will he lend his likeness to the cover art, but he reportedly worked with a team of animators for nearly three works in order to accurately capture his every physical movement for use in the game. The main character is none other than Cheney himself, whom the player will get to control, and his appearance and his every action will be portrayed as realistically as possible.

The game itself is expected to be a mix of the nihilistic brutality of Grand Theft Auto with the tactical strategy elements of Halo in a series of realistic, intricately designed levels spanning the world from Guantanamo to Baghdad to Washington DC. It's quite a promise and with Cheney's involvement, the media attention this game will receive is sure to be exhaustive. But does it live up to the hype?

In a word - no. We here at OldMajorInc.blogspot received a test demo version of the Washington DC level and our initial reaction was utter astonishment: the graphics are breathtaking and the level of detail in the scenery and the animation is groundbreaking in video game design. For example, even making player/Cheney perform a simple action such as smashing a White House page's face repeatedly with a tire iron yields an amazing level of realistic detail - the flying blood and horrible screaming are particularly effective for those with high end audio and visual capabilities. Yes, it is violent, extremely violent, and the weapons and armor available to player/Cheney are so exhaustive that the game will reportedly require a five-hundred page manual in order to list all the destructive options.

But this is also the main problem - ALL of the weapons are available to player/Cheney, so much so that gameplay actually suffers. For example, the basic mission of the Washington DC level is actually quite simple - find and destroy the US Constitution. There are a variety of possible methods for achieving this goal, and the designers have included an impressive array of clandestine tools at player/Cheney's disposal including grappling hooks, security decoding devices, and black hooded ninja-like camoflauge apparel. Yet with player/Cheney at the command of the entire US Armed Forces, it's just as easy to simply send a few tanks in to destroy the entire building. Although there is some initial charm to the sight of player/Cheney at the controls of an armored tank destroying Washington DC, there is simply no real challenge to keep the game engaging.

The side missions in the Washington DC level are similarly disappointing. For example, bonus points are collected by destroying suburbs and housing projects in the greater DC area, but all that is required to accomplish this is simply the ordering of repeated air strikes. Once the Constitution and most of the city is destroyed, player/Cheney has the option of personally rummaging through the wreckage to rack up a few more kills for bonus points, but that's mostly a tedious exercise that feels uninspired and tacked on.

It's possible that the Guantanamo and Baghdad levels will offer more of a challenge, but so far "Dick Cheney's Terrorist Roundup" offers little more than gratuitous violence without any real defining purpose. Odd, isn't it?


Old Major's "Outlaws EP" is available here:
http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip


New album "Working For The Masons" coming soon

Saturday, May 30, 2009

OldMajorInc.blogspot presents Kool G Rap - Pioneer


Kool G Rap is better than your favorite rapper/MC/whatever. Deal with it.


Kool G Rap - Pioneer


1. First Nigga (Premier mix) (3:08)
2. What's More Realer Than That? (2:43)
3. 3 Kings (0:43)
4. Reckless Eyeballin (0:57)
5. Talk Like Sex (4:50)
6. Hood Tales (3:50)
7. Friend Of Ours (1:26)
8. Live And Let Die (3:44)
9. Talkin To The People (J Love mix) (1:02)
10. God pt 3 freestyle (2:22)
11. The Letter P (feat Saigon) (1:50)
12. Take A Look (3:22)
13. Ill Street Blues (4:11)
14. Gun Ho City (1:13)
15. Rising Up (3:30)
16. Truly Yours (4:54)
17. Oz Theme 2000 (0:51)
18. The Life (3:46)
19. For The Brothas (3:32)
20. Edge Of Sanity (5:09)
21. Real Life (3:36)
22. The Realest (remix) (1:00)
23. Road To The Riches (4:29)
24. On The Rise Again (3:28)

mixed by the staff at OldMajorInc.blogspot

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6E0XJ4RG

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Kubrick/Old Major Connection



(AP - Hanover, NH)

The worldwide euphoria that greeted Scientologist/indie rocker Old Major's new "Outlaws EP" has begun to die down as fans and scholars prepare for the daunting task of interpreting and appreciating this masterpiece. This is not unusual, as Old Major's work has inspired a cottage industry of sorts based on critical appreciation and analysis of his work. Just last fall, a collection of essays entitled "Old Major 1, God 0" investigated the divine and prophetic aspects of his music, and a multi-volume biography is due later this year. It is only a matter of time before the academic community turns its full attention to the new EP (available for download here: http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip).

The first scholar to attempt a serious analysis is Dr. Rupert Huffington, professor of film studies at Dartmouth College. Dr. Huffington is one of the leading figures in the growing academic movement of film synchronization, which refers to the process of transposing ostensibly unrelated music albums and films in order to glean new meanings or thematic connections. His pioneering work in this field is unparalleled, meticulous in its dissection of visual connections and deeply philosophical in its theoretical extrapolations.

Although this field of film synchronization study is still in its relative infancy, more and more critics and scholars have been incorporating this method into their work. Unfortunately, the most well known example of this field of study is the utterly preposterous pairing of Pink Floyd's seminal album "Dark Side Of The Moon" and the horrible "classic" film, "The Wizard Of Oz." This theory initially received a modicum of attention in the media several years ago as scholars and stoners nationwide investigated the curious claim that the transposition of these two works somehow yielded a synchronization of sorts. This supposed connection has since been discredited by the film synchronization community at large, and is currently viewed as little more than an embarrassment. Dr. Huffington led the critical charge in rejecting this with a scathing scene by scene dissection in a trade journal article titled "'Us And Them' Is Not About Dancing Munchkins You Stupid Fucking Assholes : A critical analysis of the 'Floyd/Oz' connection." (That work was later cited for a Pulitzer Prize that Dr. Huffington received two years later.)

Dr. Huffington's own work is much more cerebral in its exhaustive analysis of thematic and symbolic connections between his music and film subjects. His first major study, published in the spring of 1998, presented a two-hundred page analysis of the astonishing number of visual and thematic connections to be found in the transposition of King Crimson's classic prog rock album "In The Court Of The Crimson King" and Jim Carrey's 1995 film "Dumb and Dumber." The work of two years of intensive study with a team of selected colleagues, the analysis found over a hundred instances of visual or symbolic connections that were so undeniably precise that the possibility of coincidence has been definitively ruled out. For those who have not experienced the amazing number of connections found between the two works, just start the album at the exact moment that the dog van enters the first scene then let the album play through two-and-a-half times in the course of the film. And get your revelation hat on: what will follow is nothing less than an epiphanic, life changing experience.

This study is considered a classic in the canon of film synchronization works, although it has since been the source of some controversy. Logically, it would seem that Carrey's film, which was released twenty-six years after the album, must have been intricately structured to correspond with the album. But "Dumb and Dumber" writer/directors Bobby and Peter Farrelly have been reticent to acknowledge the connection. This has led some scholars to consider the possibility that Robert Fripp et al could have somehow seen the film and then travelled back in time to 1969 in order to craft the album to match the film before returning back to the present day. This intriguing debate is still ongoing within the film synchronization community at Dartmouth. (Unfortunately, Dr. Huffington's follow up study on the connections between Emerson Lake & Palmer's "Tarkus" album and the abysmal "Dumb and Dumberer" sequel was not as warmly received by most scholars.)

His next breakthrough study - which is widely regarded as his greatest work - came three years later with the publication of the exhaustive, three-hundred page analysis detailing a litany of connections between the director's cut of Francis Ford Coppola's "Apocalypse Now Redux" and the Doobie Brothers' 1978 "Minute by Minute" LP. Coppola in particular was so affected by this evocative theory that he immediately ordered all prints of the film to be destroyed so he could definitively replace The Doors' "The End" with the Doobie Brothers' "What A Fool Believes" in the opening scene.

Therefore, it was a quite momentous occasion when Dr. Huffington announced earlier this week that his next project will involve a detailed comparison of Old Major's new "Outlaws EP" with a yet unnamed Stanley Kubrick film. Conceptually, this is a perfect fit; Old Major is a decidedly Kubrickian sort of artist in his meticulous approach to his craft and the dense, multi-layered symbolism that can be found in his music. A possible connection between these two visionaries could result in revelations of unimaginable proportions.

OldMajorInc.blogspot does not currently have any specific information as to which Kubrick film Dr. Huffington has selected, so speculation is running rampant on the internets and in bars worldwide. Perhaps "Outlaws EP" will be paired with the evocative visual mastery of "2001: A Space Odyssey" or the labyrinthine symbolism of the much misunderstood "Eyes Wide Shut" or possibly with the similarly anti-authoritarian "A Clockwork Orange." But here at the offices of OldMajorInc.blogspot, the consensus has coalesced around the most obvious choice: "The Shining." Much like Old Major's music, the film's eerily compelling basic structure only hints at the deeper thematic agendas bubbling beneath the surface. The symbolic complexity "The Shining" transcends the horror movie genre with the incorporation of an array of political and psychological themes. Old Major's work transcends the genre of Scientologist indie rock in much the same way.

Dr. Huffington has announced a tentative date of 2019 for publication of this work in order for his team to completely immerse themselves in their work. Old Major himself was not available for comment, as he is currently working on his upcoming "Working For The Masons" album due later this year. The world is waiting.


(Special note to OldMajorInc.blogspot readers: For true fans of Kubrick's "The Shining," we have hidden a special message in the preceding article. Readers who can "shine" should find this special hidden message, then "shine" their answer to oldmajorinc@gmail.com and the first ten winners will be "shined" back a free t-shirt and two half-price passes to Six Flags Great Adventure (while supplies last). Readers who do not have the "shining" should not have read the preceding two sentences.)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Old Major's "Outlaws EP" - New Limited Deluxe Collector's Edition!

The new "Outlaws EP" by Southern Baptist/indie rocker Old Major has garnered rave reviews from critics and has incited massive riots from fans. The EP is available here:
http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip

We here at OldMajorInc.Blogspot are pleased to announce the release of a brand new limited deluxe collector's edition of the EP and OldMajorInc.Blogspot Premium Members will receive special discounts on this historic release. At only three easy payments of $349.95, fans will receive:

A) A SPECIAL REMASTERED VERSION OF THE EP - A team of highly skilled scientists and engineers have been working for nearly four months on the master tapes to produce a listening experience unlike any other; final mixes were tested at Edwards Air Force Base at supersonic levels, an exercise that tragically resulted in permanent deafness for six members of the team. But it was worth it.

B) PRINT SERIES OF OLD MAJOR SUITABLE FOR FRAMING - The package will include a series of 18'x22" black and white photos of Old Major playing guitar, eating dinner, and yelling at his employees; these prints are suitable for framing and will certainly increase in value.

C) THREE PBA CARDS

D) FULL SET OF CHINA AND GLASSWARE CELEBRATING THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE 1992 RODNEY KING UPRISING IN LOS ANGELES - Commemorate the historic Rodney King riots of 1992 with a full set of plate and glassware, highlighted by a centerpiece depicting the beating of truck driver Reginald Denny.

E) SPECIAL LIMITED EDITION DVD - Witness the making of "Outlaws EP" with this expanded edition of the nine-part "Ken Burns's The Making of Old Major's 'Outlaws EP'" that originally aired on PBS. In addition to the full eighteen hours of the critically acclaimed series, this edition will include a director's commentary and twenty additional hours of deleted scenes.

F) FIVE FULL COLOR BUMPER STICKERS SUITABLE FOR STICKING - Including: "Old Major Is My Co-Pilot" and "Huckabee For Pres 2112"




Saturday, March 28, 2009

OldMajorInc.Blogspot 2009 World Tour Announcement!

It's official! Methodist/indie rocker Old Major is embarking on a world tour in support of his new "Outlaws EP" :


http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip

No dates have been announced yet, but the "2009 Old Major World Tour Sponsored By Lockheed Martin In Association With The Carlyle Group" promises to be even more profitable than the "2004 Old Major World Tour Sponsored By Halliburton In Association With General Atomics."

OldMajor.Blogspot Premium Members will be the first to have the opportunity to register for the ticket lottery* to potentially win a chance to gain a position on a waiting list as a possible candidate for tickets.

Some insiders claim that a massive stage set is now being constructed in secrecy by child laborers in Hondorus, but there are rumors that it will be the biggest, flashiest, and most cost effective in the history of religious indie rock music. The stage for the triumphant 2004 world tour was of course the largest ever constructed at the time: the nearly mile-wide set included giant video screens, a psychedelic light show, a troupe of dancing Bengali tigers, and tanks firing live ammunition at the audience.

More information will be made available here at OldMajorInc.Blogspot in the next few days.

(*$49.95 per entry)




Saturday, March 21, 2009


OldMajorInc.Blogspot Retro Video Game Review!
"Kenny Loggins's Danger Zone" (Nintendo - 1986)
(**1/2)

We kick off our retro video game review feature here at OldMajorInc.blogspot with a look at a classic game for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Rock superstar Kenny Loggins lent his likeness to this action-packed title released to great fanfare in the fall of 1986. Loggins had recently scored another chart-topping rocker with his high-powered "(Highway To The)Danger Zone" from the stellar "Top Gun" soundtrack album, but fans were not prepared for the video game classic he was about to unleash upon the world.

The original "Kenny Loggins's Danger Zone" began as a coin-operated gaming machine, available primarily in urban markets where Loggins has always found his greatest popularity. The large, bulky machine featured two AK-47's mounted on its front console as players fired at cops and military personnel in a story arc that involved Loggins (and partner Jim Messina for two-player games) in a bizarre mission to overthrow the government. Graphics were adequate at best, gameplay was erratic, and the story was somewhat confusing, but the real draw were the speakers that blasted out Loggins's "(Highway To The)Danger Zone" constantly. For most players, it was that fantastic song, and not the game, that kept them playing.

For the home version of "Kenny Loggins's Danger Zone," some redesigning was in order. Not being able to rely on the crutch of the greatness of the song itself to lure in players , Loggins's production team decided to focus on gameplay. The result is a video game classic that broke new ground in gaming and has since become a cult classic for gamers and rockers alike.

Once again, players can choose to play either solo or with a friend. Choices have been expanded to include not only Messina (once again wielding his trademark AK-47 from the original game), as well as Michael McDonald (armed with grenades and rocket launcher), Carly Simon (wielding a katana and a special ninja-based set of attacks), and David Crosby (sporting a flamethrower and special "super strength" potential triggered by brown bags hidden throughout the game.) Their mission is described in a series of cut-scenes: Colonel Gaddafi and his minions threaten the world from a jungle compound in the heart of Libya, and Ronald Reagen has appointed Loggins and his elite team to save the world from certain destruction. (In an interesting sidenote, Reagen actually added his own voice to the game, having long been a fan of Loggins and Messina's "Sittin 'In" LP.)

The game itself doesn't have quite the visceral impact of its coin-operated counterpart, but this could be due to the poor translation of the song on its soundtrack. "(Highway To The)Danger Zone" was meant to be played loud, repeatedly, in an urban area, not in the comforts of home while playing a video game. "Kenny Loggins's Danger Zone" has its share of violence and action, and some of the levels are ingeniously designed, but it simply cannot compare to the power of the man's music. We here at OldMajorInc.blogspot don't need a complicated plot of battling Libyan terrorists to rock out to Mr. Loggins. No sir, just give us the music. And crank it up.



Thursday, March 19, 2009











Release of Old Major's "Outlaws EP" sparks massive rioting
(Asyut, Egypt - AP)

The commercial district in the normally peaceful Egyptian city of Asyut exploded into violence with the release of Scientologist indie-rocker Old Major's new "Outlaws EP." Local stores and temples were only provided with fifty-thousand copies of the new release, rumors of which sparked a frenzy of activity as fans took to the streets to acquire a copy.

"I've never seen anything like this," said John Shelibi, owner of Heat Rocks Records, the largest independent music store in Asyut. "It was choas. Just all screaming and rocks flying everywhere, we couldn't hold them back. Even the Billy Joel Riots of '87 weren't this bad."

Police attempted to quell the crazed crowds to no avail. No deaths have been reported, but there were numerous injuries and massive property damages apparent as the dust began to settle. The rioting was so widespread and uncontrollable that authorities have made very few arrests thus far.

Officials at OldMajorInc.blogspot had no comment at press time, but there is growing concern that these incidents are only the beginning of a growing worldwide problem.

"If they went this crazy for his EP," said chief of police Doug Hazid-Samif, "what the hell is going to happen when the album hits?"


http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Premium Memberships!

OldMajorInc.blogspot is now pleased to announce our new premium membership service. For a nominal monthly fee, you can gain access to exclusive content including:


- full merchandise catalog!

- a free Old Major keychain!
(shipping & handling charges not included)

- message board to interact with other Old Major fans!


We are offering two levels of premium membership:


- Premium Membership A ($89.95 per month)

----premium membership A will grant access to the basic features of premium membership services for thirty seconds every half-hour

----you can use your allotted time each half-hour however you like: for example, you can view the message board for ten seconds and the merchandise catalog for twenty seconds, or perhaps participate in an Old Major trivia challenge for fifteen seconds, view the photo gallery for five seconds, and order Old Major merchandise for ten seconds, and so on - the key here is that OldMajorInc.blogspot's premium membership service is a fan friendly environment!

- Premium Membership B ($219.95 per month)

----premium membership B will grant unlimited access to premium membership services as well as a more extensive merchandise catalog, exclusive downloads, and other assorted features

----more importantly, premium membership B will offer fans the opportunity to directly contact Old Major - each month Old Major will read ONE letter from the premium membership B message board (letter will be chosen by the staff here at OldMajorInc.blogspot)

- Lifetime Memberships also available!

- Lifetime Membership ($9,995.00)


----our most exclusive services will be limited to lifetime members including: an even more extensive merchandise catalog, special lifetime member message board, and other assorted features

----lifetime members will also have their names entered in a monthly pool with the winner receiving a signed 8x10"photo of Old Major (shipping and handling charges not included)

- Gift packages also available: give someone the gift of OldMajorInc.blogspot premium membership today!

Be sure to download the new "Outlaws EP"

http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip






Old Major releases new "Outlaws EP" to massive crowds
- New York (AP)

An ebullient crowd of nearly seven thousand adoring fans gathered outside St. Patrick's cathedral late last night to celebrate the release of Christian indie-rocker Old Major's new "Outlaws EP." Some fans had reportedly been sleeping on the sidewalk for weeks just for the oppurtunity to catch a rare glimpse of the reclusive superstar. By the time he finally arrived in his custom, dark blue Escalade stretch limo, the scene became riotous as screams and shouts filled the air.

Inside the cathedral, Old Major sat amidst a throne-like display of the album's artwork and the logos of his company, Old Major Inc. He tirelessly spent the next twenty minutes signing CD's, walking canes, and breasts as a security team of priests and nuns from the local parish paroled the crowd with walkie-talkies and sub-machine guns. Was this Old Major Mania? Or just another day in the life of a Christian indie-rock star? We sat down for a rare interview in a confession booth to find out.

Q: Quite a scene out there tonight. Did you expect this kind of turnout?
A: Yes and no. You know, I'm just blessed to have such a loyal fanbase. They're more like an army really. I actually prefer that term. Army.
Q: It seemed like all you could see out there were Old Major t-shirts and parkas and ponchos and bandanas and umbrellas and whatnot.
A: Well as I'm sure you know, merchandise is the most profitable arm of the Old Major empire. Even more than the music, if you can believe that. Last year, we grossed about $4.2 million in women's wear alone. But we'll be shifting our focus to the kitchen appliance market this year so we can attach the Old Major brand to refrigerators, toasters, dishwashers, and so on.
Q: What recession, right?
A: Oh, I'm not immune to it. I mean, I lost quite a bit in the Madoff scandal. I don't want to divulge the actual number, but it was significant. Maybe not as much as they've reported in the papers but we all know how that goes.
Q: You're really getting a lot of media attention with this new EP. What can fans expect to hear if they've never heard your music before?
A: Hypothetically right? Because really, think about who you're talking to. I mean, c'mon. But I guess we would have to take some hypothetical person who might have been living in a cave or had spent a number of years aboard an alien spaceship and had somehow not ever been exposed to Old Major. Well, I would tell them to imagine Phil Collins crossed with Abba crossed with Coldplay crossed with Paul Wall produced by Lil' Jon. Imagine that. Imagine how horrifically bad that music would be. I don't think the universe could mathematically withstand something that awful.
Q: What about your music?
A: My music? Imagine DJ Premier featuring Daniel Johnston produced by Wayne Coyne. And co-produced by Jesus of course.
Q: Like your autobiography, God Is My Co-Producer.
A: Exactly. Available for $29.95 for premium members of my website.
Q: What sort of music have you been listening to lately?
A: I've actually been getting back into The Doors lately. It's funny, but when I say that most people assume I'm talking about the "Light My Fire" Doors, but there was actually another The Doors that were around well before those guys started. They were really progressive too. The only instruments they ever used were just sounds of doors - doors opening, doors closing, doors slumming shut. And so on. It's heady stuff, really progressive and challenging, but man some of it's really powerful. I'm a really big fan of their early stuff like "Two-car Garages" and "Sliding Glass," not really "Linen Closets" or any of the later stuff so much. But they were really saying something, you know what I mean? Social commentary. That's what we're missing in today's music scene.
Q: Speaking of social commentary, you're always quite outspoken about politics. Thoughts on the election?
A: Well as you know, my president, first and foremost, is God. That's who I vote for. That's who I campaign for. That's whose face I would put on my currency. Of course, then you ask: is God a Republican or a Democrat? Personally, I think he's a moderate socialist/Bonapartist, but that's just me. But I'm more of an issues guy. We can debate about ideologies all day long, but it really comes down to: who's gonna help fix the roads and health care and getting the Ten Commandments on Denny's menus.
Q: What's next for Old Major?
A: Well, there's the world tour coming up. For security reasons, I don't ever play out live but Old Major will be coming to a town near you with a full live band and a holographic image of me singing and playing up there on stage. It's actually been quite a bit of work putting all that together because as you know I tape each performance personally, so if you're in say Kansas City, you'll actually see me playing a set list with some banter in between songs that was recorded specifically for your town.
Q: That does sound like a lot of work.
A: My fans - or my army I should say - are worth it.
Q: Any other messages for the fans?
A: Enjoy the EP. Get ready for that album coming soon. Keep the faith. Send me money.




Sunday, March 15, 2009


Old Major Inc is in the building...


New Outlaws EP out now:
http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip

Download & better your life...

What's the word on the street about Old Major's new "Outlaws EP"? Reviews are coming in...

"Man, I put this shit in the whip on the way home from the studio with the top down and the purple urple lit up and just zoned out. And let me tell you what - this is some real shit right here. You pop this thing in and it makes you wanna just wild out on somebody, you know what I'm sayin? Like when you see me at a club and try to come at me sideways, you already know I got the burner on me at all times. But see we don't even to take it there because I could just stomp the fuck out of you like it's nothing. And then take your girl too. Early. I don't fuck around and Old Major don't fuck around neither. Ya heard me? Cop this shit. "
- Sean Hannity, Fox News

"Funny story. So we finally got those new poles and full stage in the basement of the south wing. It was a pain in my ass to get the whole thing done because it went way over budget and it was just a lot of bullshit I don't need in my life. Anyway, the room's finally done so we scooped up a few boys from the club last night to get the party popping and 'christen' the stage if you know what I'm saying. But they just took a look at it and they're all like, 'You want us to dance for you guys? That's kinda weird' and all this shit. And I'm thinking, 'Don't you who the fuck I am? I'm a boss in this. All day.' You know? Like what the fuck? Anyway, I was about to kick them the fuck out when one of the bishops popped in that new Old Major EP and let me just say - that got the party jumping something crazy. The Vatican definitely fucks with Old Major."
- Pope Benedict XVI Joseph Alois Ratzinger

Find out what it's all about:
http://rapidshare.com/files/209393542/Old_Major_Outlaws_EP.zip